


I Am Who I Am

by IDreamInColour



Category: I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Drunk Sex, Explicit Language, F/M, Family Issues, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, High Sex, Homecoming, Pansexual Character, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Science Fiction, Sex, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:00:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23407939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IDreamInColour/pseuds/IDreamInColour
Summary: Sydney knows exactly how she feels towards Stanley and now that they are both at the Homecoming, its time she tells him exactly how she feels. Ending never happened. New mysterious girl in town shakes things up
Relationships: Stanley Barber & Sydney Novak, Stanley Barber/Dina/Sydney Novak, Stanley Barber/Sydney Novak, sydney - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

I walk over to the juice table with Dina. I can’t believe I am at a homecoming along with wearing this dress. I am not going to lie; it is a lot better than what Dina made me wear at the party. I don’t even want to think about what happened at that party. I look up and see Stanley across the gym. My heart suddenly starts pounding. 

“What am I doing.” I softly say to myself out loud. 

“What do you mean?” Dina asks me.

“Stanley.” I watch Stanley put on his shades inside, walk up the bleachers and sit down. I hand Dina my drink and walk towards him. “He deserves to know how I feel.”

“You know this cup never had any juice in it.” She laughs at me as I walk away. “Go get him, tiger.”

I roll my eyes and walk towards Stan. Suddenly, my heart starts beating out of my chest and I can already feel all my circulation flow straight to my head. Even though the music is blaring throughout the gym, all I can hear is the beating of my own heart pounding inside of me. I take a deep breath in and exhale out to try and calm my nerves, but I still feel nervous as hell. 

“Here goes nothing.” I tell myself. I don’t know why I am so nervous.

I walk up to Stan as he sits by himself behind some twinkly hanging lights on the bleachers. He notices me walking up to him from the corner of his eye and takes off his shades and puts them in his pocket. All I can see in him is disappointment and I hate it.

“Remember when you specifically said you werent coming to this?” Stan spits at me. I completely understand why he’d be mad, since I did tell him I wasn’t coming. 

“I should have told you I was coming.” I tell him and he nods his head.

“Syd, I know that we aren’t like together or anything and that’s cool, but you have to know this... I like you a lot. More than I think I should.” Stan admits while staring at the bleachers basically sweating in his suit.

“I really like you a lot too. It had taken me a long time to figure out my feelings and what the hells going on with me but when I am with you, you help me feel like I don’t have to be normal.”

“What are you saying?” Stan looks at me confused.

“You make me feel like being weird is normal and being normal is weird. You make me feel things I have never experienced before and at first, I didn’t know what it meant but I do now. I have major feelings for you Stanley Barber and I don’t know if I’ll ever get you out of my brain. It has taken me so long to figure out how to say this and now…” I am cut off by the feeling of Stanley’s soft lips against mine. His hand caresses though my hair as his other hand pulls me in closer. A wave of emotions goes though me and then our lips part. I open my eyes and watch Stan lick his lips and then we lock eye contact. I can still feel his breath on mine as I try to catch it. 

Stans face still inches from mine, he says, “I just want you to be happy.”

“I just want you to be happy, too. You looked so sad because I lied to you. I am so sorry.”

“It’s all good.” We both notice the music change to some soft slow dancing music. Stan stands up ad puts out his hand, “Will you have this dance?” 

“Come on, let’s make a fool out of ourselves.” I say as I grab his hands and we head down the bleachers to the dance floor. Stanley pulls me into him, and we start dancing. As my head lays on his heavy beating chest I realize a bunch of noise coming from a corner of the gym. Everyone in the room turns around to see Brad fighting with Ricky about God knows what. Stan and I stop dancing, along with everyone else and crowd Ricky and Brad as the try to tear each other apart. A teacher eventually intervenes and drags them both out of the gym. 

“What’s that?” Stan asks me as he points to something on the ground by where Brad and Ricky were fighting. 

I follow my eyes to where Stan is pointing and look to see something familiar. “Its my journal!” I run up to it and grab it. I open it up to see the pages I wrote in still intact. “The fucker had my journal and read it!”

“What a dick!” Stan says. 

“Oh my God.” I look up at Stan and look him straight in the eyes with the more fear inside.

“What’s wrong? It’s just a diary, right?”

“I wrote about my…” I whisper, “My abilities!”

“Oh, shit. What do we do now?”


	2. Up The Ladder, Through The Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Syd go to the Tower because Sydney doesn't know what's next

My fists are clenched, and my teeth are grinding to the gum. I stand in the middle of the dance floor with Stanley on my side as I try to gather my thoughts. I grab a hold of my hair and basically attempt to pull it right out of my scalp. “That fucking asshole! I can’t believe Dina ever had feelings for that cheating prick!”

  
Stan looks over at me and becomes concerned for what I may be capable of doing next. He extends his hand out and places it around my shoulders. “Let’s go, now!” He grabs my hand and we head into the parking lot.

  
“Where are we going?” I ask him as he opens the passenger door to his 1978 Fairmont to let me in. What a gentleman, I am so lucky.

  
I sit down inside and look over a Stan sits in the driver’s side. He starts the vehicle as he says, “Even though we are together, I am still your mentor and I will always be there when a crisis needs to be averted.”

  
“What crisis? The only crisis we have here, is that, asshole Brad stole my diary and who knows what he was planning on doing with it. He knows everything about me, and he is going to tell the whole school that I am freak!”

  
He puts his hand on my clenched fist, “Hey, but you are my freak.”

“Not helping.” I roll down the window and it literally takes a minute for them to roll down. These windows are slower than my grandmother. “I think I just need some fresh air.”

  
“I got you out of there before you could do something. I know you and I know what your powers can do. You are not a freak, you just need to figure out how to control it.”

I continuously tap my foot on the floor out of anxiousness as I take out my journal and look through it. “It doesn’t look like any pages are missing so that’s good.”

  
“See, now you’re seeing the brighter of things.”

  
“Where are we going anyways?”

  
“Wherever you would like to.”

  
I look up through the window frame and see the old tower in the distance. I lift my hand up and point, “There.”

  
“Creepy old tower it is.” Once we arrive there, Stan shuts off his engine and we step outside. Stan starts walking up and I stop moving like my feet are glued to the ground. I look around and see the trees secluding us in. Stan notices that I am not right behind him and turns around and looks down the stairs. “What’s wrong?”

  
“What if it falls and collapses while we are up there?” Now that I think about it, would that be such a bad thing?

  
He steps down and grabs my hand, “Then I guess we will die together.”

  
I send him a soft smile and we climb up the stairs, all the way to the top. As I am walking up, I start to get a larger view of the surrounding forest area. I can see the lineup of streetlights across town from it being such a clear evening. My grasp onto the railing gets tighter and tighter the higher that we climb.

  
“It’s so freeing to be able to see everything from such a elevated height.” Stan says. He looks down and notices how nervous I am feeling. “Are you scared of heights?” I roll my eyes. He smiles, “What, you are scared of heights yet you’re basically super woman.” He jokes.

“I am not superwoman; I can still fall to my death.”

  
“Well, I am here to serve and protect.” He takes out his shades and puts them on. I only know one person in this entire world that would put on sunglasses at almost midnight and that guy is Stanley Barber.

  
“Stan the stud.” I kiss him on the cheek and we finally reach the top of the tower.

  
I take a deep breath in and feel the fresh breeze flow through my hair. I bend down to take a seat on the edge of the tower floor with the railings support in front still tightly holding on. I let my feet sway through the air freely as I look up to see Stan looking down at me with that cute smile of his.

  
“What are you smiling about?” I ask as I smile at him.

  
Stan takes a seat next to me and enthusiastically says, “I am so happy! With you.”

  
“me too!”

  
“I really like you and I was really certain that you didn’t like me back.”

  
“I was trying to figure out myself, it had nothing to do with you Stan. You’re great. There were just some things about me that I had to figure out, but I know what I want.”

Stan smiles and I grab his suit and I pull him in for a kiss. My heart thuds inside my chest and these waves of emotions flow through me, ones I have never felt before when kissing Stan. Stan nibbles softly on my bottom lip and I comb my fingers through his soft hair. We pull apart after a few moments and just stare into each other’s eyes. We both turn towards the railing and look out into the distance.

  
This is exactly what I wanted; I have no idea why it took me so long to figure out.

“What if I never figure out what is wrong with me?” I ask as I set my head on his shoulder.

“Well, then at least we can figure out how to control it, right?”

  
“I guess.” Stan digs into his pocket and pulls out a joint from his small container and places it between his lips. As he lights it up, he takes the first puff and exhales out. He hands me the next puff and I continue to mimic his actions. “I am so happy I have you and Dina.”

  
Suddenly, it looks like it is about to rain. The clouds gather up and darken very quickly and it starts lightning and thundering out. “We better get out of here.”

* * *

_**School** _

I try to focus on my work but all I can truly focus on is Stanley who is sitting two desks ahead of me. He turns around and we both catch each other’s stares.

“Eyes on your own work! This isn’t a teamwork exercise!” The teacher yells.

I finish up my work just in time for the bell and Stan and I try to rush out of the room as soon as possible.

  
Dina walks up to us as we are standing by the lockers. “Hey, you guys!” She smiles at us. “Where did you guys disappear to last night? Syd, you kind of left me all by myself last night. Kind of not cool.”

  
“Oh, shit. I am so sorry Dina. Stan and I- “I apologize.

  
“It’s okay. I am so happy for you guys. Never do that again, though.” She pokes me playfully.

  
“I am a horrible best friend. I will make it up to you in the biggest way.”

  
“It’s fine, really. I know what’s it’s like.” She winks at me.

  
Suddenly everyone in the hall, including Stan, Dina, and I are all cut off by this woman walking down the hall. I have never seen her before in my life, but she is so beautiful. She has long black wavy hair and flawless sun kissed skin. She’s wearing a knitted plaid dress with a long grey bag on her hip that looked like it could be filled with all her secrets. Who’s this mysterious girl and where did she come because she doesn’t look like it’s anywhere near Brownsville, Pennsylvania.

  
“Who is that?” Dina asks.

  
“She doesn’t look like she’s from here.” I say.

  
“She seems a bit mysterious, don’t you guys think?” Stan asks.


	3. Mysterious New Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mysterious new girl shows up and the group is curious about her.

I grab my last plate to set on my tray and head to a table with Stanley in the cafeteria. The voices in the cafeteria are all so loud, I think Stan just said something to me, but I couldn’t hear. “Sorry, what was that? It’s quite loud in here.” I tell him as we sit down at an empty table. There are never usually that many people in the cafeteria, not everyone in the high school have lunch here. If I had any choice, I wouldn’t either, but I need to get the groceries after school, again.

“I said, I think you should really consider telling Dina.” He says as he takes a sip of his juice box.

“Telling Dina about what?” I ask as if I don’t know what he is talking about even though I do.

Stanley raises his eyebrow at me, “You know what.”

“I don’t think it would be in her best interest, I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“She could help us figure out how to control it so that you don’t hurt anyone.”

“I could have killed you that day at the bowling alley testing them out. You saw me tear those tree down with just a scream!” I can feel my blood start to boil and the more I try to calm down the more I think about all the bad things I could do. The food on both our trays start to vibrate and I am the one who is doing it.

He grabs my hand and says, “Close your eyes and breath.” I do exactly what he says. I take a deep breath in and out and think about good things like my little brother and the feeling of Stan’s soft hand in mine. I don’t even focus on how loud it is in the room but only on Stanley’s voice. And, just like that, I open my eyes and I feel a lot calmer.

“Thank you, Stan. I was about to bolt out of here like a weirdo.”

I notice Dina looking around and Stan waves her over to us. She takes a seat next to me and asks, “What’s up, you guys?”

“Not much.” I say.

“Do you guys know what’s up with that new mysterious girl?” Dina asks while taking a bite of her sandwich.

“Has any noticed the insane amount of people in the cafeteria right now?”

“I am pretty sure it is because of that new girl. She is insanely gorgeous, and every guy has their eye on her today since it’s her first day.”

“Hey, not me.” Stanley adds.

“Of course, not you.” I smile as I wrap my arm around Stanley’s shoulders. Weirdly enough, that mysterious girl sits down at our long table but on the other end. All of us just look at each other for a second before Stanley shrugs his shoulders. I look over to her and say, “Hey, do you want to sit with us?” I don’t know why, but I just felt the need to get to know who this girl is, even if it’s directly.

She looks up at the three of us and smiles, “Sure, thank-you.” She gets up and sits next to Stanley who’s sitting across from me. She fixes her bag and sets it on the table.

“I’m Sydney, this is Stanley and Dina.” I introduce everyone to her.

She fixes her jet-black hair behind her ear, “Cool, my name is Malious. Malious Steros. I just moved here from California.”

“Wow. What made you come to Brownville. There’s nothing here.” Stanley jokes.

“My grandmother lives here, so I came here to live with here. I didn’t really have a say in the matter sadly.” She picks up her fork and digs into a piece of broccoli on her tray and begins to nibble on it.

“Oh, that sucks. We could show you around if you want sometime.” Stanley says. Why would he want to show her around…?

“That would be so nice!” She smiles as she puts her hand on Stan’s arm. He looks down and uses that same arm to reach out for my hand and grab it. “Oh, you guys are together?”

“Uh.. we are-“I start saying but get interrupted by the bell for next period.

The bell rings and that’s the end of last period. Stan and I walk out of the high school and jump into his car. I don’t say anything at first but just stare at the ‘fresh car smell’ air freshener hanging from Stan’s rear view mirror. I never noticed that before, I guess that’s why it always smelled like a fresh car every time I stepped inside.

He starts his engine and we head off, but it doesn’t look like we are going home or even into town. He parks his car into the forest trees, and we walk through the tress. “Where are you taking me?” I ask.

“It’s a surprise.” Stan says sending me a wink and throwing on his sunglasses again.

He just suddenly stops walking, picks up something from the ground, and turns around. “What?”

He attempts to throw something my direction, but I can kind of see it in slow motion. I put my hands up quickly and I can watch it stop in mid-air. I just watch it spin slowly in the middle of the air and I am making it do that, it’s a rock.

“Did you just throw a rock at me?”

“No! Well, yes but you stopped it like I knew you would. Plus, it was only just a tiny one.”

“That’s kind of cool.” I let it drop on the ground and just start laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

I just don’t know why I can’t stop laughing. I pick up the rock and throw it up in the air and look up as I watch it fall to the ground, only, it didn’t. As I picked up that rock and threw it in the air, a bunch of other rocks on the ground lifted in the air along with it. I hold my breath and watch the dozen rocks freeze as if someone hit the pause button and froze time itself.

“Holy sh-!“ I lift my arms up really quickly and the leaves on the branches near us instantly fall off and quickly onto the ground as if it were Fall season.


End file.
